Struggle
by RISVULove
Summary: Alex is attacked one evening coming home from work and the aftermath is horiffic, she is afraid of leaving the apartment, afraid of being near men, which develops into being afraid of nearly everyone. Can Casey help or is Alex too mentally hurt to be brought back from where she is? R&R. Calex. Hurt/Comfort, Romance
1. Chapter 1

The steely taste of the blood hitting my tongue makes my stomach churn, this shouldn't be me. I should be strong, I should've fought harder. Kicked him. Hurt him. Got him down.

I didn't.

I pull myself up against the wall, wrapping my arms around my tender ribs as I try to calm my tears. I need to get out of this ally, I cant lie here all night.

I grab the side of the closest dumpster and use its support to drag myself off the ground and I moan at the aches covering my body

I feel unsteady on my feet, the blood pouring from the gash on my head causing the problem.

I stumble out of the ally thats not two minutes from my home, and then I remember why I took the ally to get home, my date.

Shit!

I reach the apartment building and when I stumble in, the supervisor, a lovely man I've become acquainted with named Peter must spot my distress

"Miss Cabot?" He says and I nod, his voice sounding distant to me

"H-Help" I say so quietly I don't know if he can hear me

He lifts me into his arms, surprisingly strong, well, I guess he's security as well and strength is needed

He carries me in the back and lays me down "Miss Cabot? Would you like me to call the police?-"

"Could you help me upstairs? A-And wait with me?"

"Of course. Can you walk or shall I carry you?"

"I'll try walking, thanks Peter"

He helps me off the table I was perched on and as we get to the lift I feel myself start to sway

"Hey, Alex. C'mon now, steady up, thats it" Peter rests one hand on my back, the other loops around me

We get to my apartment and I realise I have no keys, taken along with my phone, credit cards and cash. Shit!

"K-Keys-"

"I have a spare" he shows me the spare and I nod as he unlocks the door

"Alex, I'll need to bandage your head. Have you a first aid kit?"

"In the kitchen, by the cooker"

He sits me into the couch and walks to the kitchen, returning a minute later with the first aid kit

He lightly runs his hand along the gash and sighs

"That'll need stitching Miss Cabot-"

"Alex, please"

He nods "Alex. I'll bandage it up for now okay? But you'll need to go to the hospital"

"I know" I sigh as he starts working as best he can on my head

"There was a woman here to see you earlier. Real beautiful, lovely red hair"

I smile softly, he's trying to take my mind off it "I know. I was expecting her.. I'll need to call and apologise"

"She'll understand Alex. Don't worry"

He butterfly clips the bandage shut and squeezes my hand "You'll need medical attention Alex, that wont just heal up"

"I know. Thank you Peter. Could you get my my house phone please?"

He stands from the couch and after a few minutes of searching hands me the phone

I type in the number and after a few rings she answers "Benson" she mumbles and I take a deep breath

"L-Liv?"

"Alex?! Whats wrong?" She becomes more alert

"I need you to come to my apartment"

"Okay. I'll be right there. Are you alone?"

"N-No.. I have Peter, here"

Olivia's met him a couple of times, so I know she knows I'm safe, now

"Okay, Alex, I'll be right there"

"Thanks" I disconnect the call and Peter runs his thumb over my knuckles

"You could've asked me to call Miss Benson"

"I know, I just wouldn't want her worried"

"What happened Alex? You don't have to tell me, I just, If you want to talk-"

"I was raped"

He nods "Where?"

"The ally, around the corner"

"Oh Alex.." He says and I move closer to him and he wraps his arm around me

"I-I should've done something to try and stop him.."

"Did you say no? Cry? Kick? Struggle? Scream?"

I nod and he shakes his head "There was nothing else you could've done Alex. You tried"

"Obviously not hard enough"


	2. Chapter 2

"Alex?"

I hear her voice, broken and I meet her eyes as she sits on the side of my hospital bed

"Casey.. I'm sorry about the date-"

"Forget it. It's fine. Are you okay?" She runs her hand over my cheek

I nod and rest into her hand "I-I'm better.. My head isn't too sore anymore"

"Good" she smiles softly at me and we sit in a comfortable silence until I wipe a tear rolling down my cheek

"Sorry" I apologise when she looks up to me

"Don't be. Its okay" she assures me and I look around the small cream walled room

"Where did Olivia go?"

"Into work. She wants to catch him"

I nod understanding and pull the blanket further around me

"You cold?"

I shake my head and she asks can she lay beside me

"Please do"

She moves up and I lay my head against her chest as she soothingly runs her fingers over my cheek

"C-Casey?"

"Yeah Alex?"

"I'm scared" I admit and she sweeps my hair away from my face

"I know Al, thats natural. But I wont let anyone hurt you again, I promise, I have you"

"What if he finds me-"

"He wont"

"But what if he does?"

"I'll hurt him before he gets the chance to even think of touching you. How dare he lay a hand on you" she says the last part mostly to herself but I hear it and shake my head

"But you wont always be there-"

"Why not?"

"What?"

She cocks her head to the side "Why wont I always be there while you heal? There would be no where else I could be Alex"

"Thank you" I burst out crying and she kisses my cheek

"Thats alright Al. Now you should sleep. The doctor will be back soon"

"Can I go home?"

"I'd say so Al. We'll ask the doctor"

xx

"Alex, how are you feeling?" Peter asks me as Casey and I walk into the lobby of my apartment building that evening

"Peter, I'm better. Thank you, for everything. Last night, I wouldn't have gotten home without you"

"It wasn't a problem Alex"

The door behind me slams and I jump and Casey slips her hand into mine

"Its okay" she whispers to me and I sigh "We should go upstairs" she says and I agree

"I'll see you later Peter"

"Feel better Alex"

"Thanks Peter"

xx

"Alex, I saw you jump"

"I know.."

"You wanna talk about it Al?"

"Theres nothing to talk about Casey, I just got a fright"

She moves in closer to me "Its okay baby"

"I-I don't know Casey.. I just got scared.. What if he comes back? He was obviously following me.."

"Alex, Olivia and the team are doing their best to find him, it wont be long now sweetie"

"What if they don't find him? What if I feel like this forever?"

"Don't focus on that Alex. They'll try their best sweetie"

"Yeah.. I guess.. Casey, I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed"

"Sure Al, um, could I take a quick shower?"

"Sure, you don't need to ask"

"Thanks"

xx

I lay in the darkened room listening to the shower run and the faint hum of Casey singing and I sigh

I shouldn't be starting this relationship now, I want this to work with Casey and I don't want her to be trapped with me, feeling bad for me. I mean we haven't even been on one date, sure we're friends, best friends but if this was to develop she'd want progression in the relationship and I just cant do anything. I don't even want to touch anyone which is ridiculous, it was one man. One man attacked me and now its niggling at me. Affecting me in ways it shouldn't be.

I understand it was a big thing, I do. I know it'll be hard to cope with but I'm strong, I shouldn't be affected like this. I'm an ADA for Gods sake! I preach the 'it'll all be okay' speech to every victim I prepare for trial and when it happens to me I turn into a mess!

I pull my duvet further around me, I feel so unsanitary. So used. Unclean.

Ugh. I wish I'd wake up this would all just be a horrible dream. I wish it never happened.

I want to just go back to yesterday and leave early, not walk that alley. Fight harder. Get him away from me.

But I cant do any of that, I was raped. I need to accept it.

Its just hard, thats all.


	3. Chapter 3

I _feel my head smash against the brick wall and I yelp. What the hell? _

_I kick and cry out, trying to escape but his strength overpowers mine and he pushes my harder against the ground and after several minutes of trying to escape, screaming and nothing happening I eventually stop, I wont get out of this_

_He runs his hands up my thighs_

_"There's a good girl, don't struggle "_

_I wince as he rips open my blouse_

_"P-please, stop" I beg "Please. I'll give you whatever else you need, j-just please stop"_

_"Beg me bitch"_

_I scream out again hoping someone, anyone would hear. Nothing._

_I feel his length harden against me and my stomach flips, he's getting off on this, oh god, this is actually happening, I'm being raped._

_I shudder and the sound of his sadistic laugh fills my ears_

_He moans out and roughly pushes into me and I feel the tears running down my cheeks. I scream again, praying, hoping someone will bother to check on me but they don't and he cruelly keeps pounding me, filling me. I feel like I'm going to vomit, the pain shooting through me and I hear his strangled grunts as he finishes then after a minute I realise he's wearing a condom. Well, it was pre-meditated_

_He moves off me and I try to get up, follow him and thats when I feel the board smash against my ribs, he knocks me back and yanks my purse from my now barely-there grasp and I just lay on the ground, sobbing, hoping someone will come down here and find me_

"Alex!"

I start awake and feel hands on my arms

"Let me go!" I cry out pulling away and she drops my wrist

"Alex, its Casey. Alex, you're safe. Its just me" she turns on the bedside lamp and I look at her, still shaking and she smiles softly

"Its okay Al, its just me"

"I-It wasn't.. It was him. H-He was on me.. I-I couldn't" I sob into the duvet and I feel her hand lightly on my back

"Its over Alex. You're alright honey"

I grab the duvet, tightly grasping it in my hands and she runs her hand over mine

"Its okay"

I nod mutely, still shaking and she keeps her hold on my hand

"Don't be frightened Al, I have you"

I sigh and she says I should lay down

"I-I.. I think I'll go sleep in the spare room"

"What? Why?" She sounds hurt

"I just want to be alone Casey, sorry"

"No.. No, its okay Alex. I'll go to the spare room, you stay in here. Try and sleep okay?"

I lay down and pull the duvet back over me. I cant help but feel bad, she was trying to help and I basically kicked her out.

I should let her help and I will, I just want to be alone tonight. I need time to think. To cope. Deal.

I really don't want to hurt her. I really like her, its just, the first parts of the relationship should be fun, enjoyable, the 'cant keep your hands off each other phase' not her calming me down when I wake up in a cold sweat crying my eyes out. Its hardly fair to be doing this to her. By the time I feel better she'll be sick of me and she'll leave, of course she would. Why would she stay when I'm so.. broken?

I really should talk to her.

xx

"C-Casey?" I hand her the cup of coffee when she sits up and she smiles

"Thanks Al"

I nod and just stare at the sheets and she touches my arm

"Whats wrong?"

"Casey.. I know we were meant to go on that date and stuff but I don't want you to feel trapped with me, like I know we're friends and you want to help me but I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me out of anything that isn't friendship, I-I like you a lot but I need time, a lot of time.. I understand if you don't want to wait for me"

"Alex, where did all that come from? I know you need time, I understand that you need time, God Al, of course you do. Thats okay. I mean what I said at the hospital, I'm here for you. I'd love nothing more than to be with you so I can wait, I can one hundred percent wait until you feel up to a relationship and even then, we can take it as slow or as fast as you want. I care about you Alexandra and this isn't scaring me, you can handle this Alex and when you need me to I'll be there to help you "

"Casey, I really cant handle this"

"Alex, you think that now. And I wont lie, the next few months are going to be hard but I know you, I know you wont let this beat you. You wont let him beat you Alex. You will get through this"

I smile softly and she pats the bed and asks if I want to lay beside her

I nod and she slips her arms around me "Don't worry about us. You focus on you getting better again okay?"

"I will. Thanks Case"


	4. Chapter 4

"Its number 4, Olivia. Its him I'm sure"

She looks up to me "You're 100%?"

I glance around the room "Y-Yeah. I'm sure. Can I go now?"

"Of course Alex" she touches my arm and I flinch

"Can you not do that?" I snap

"Sorry" she moves her hand back and I sigh

"God Liv, I shouldn't snap. I-I just I don't want to be here.."

"I get it"

"Liv... I'm terrified"

"Of him?" She gestures behind us and I shake my head

"Of leaving my apartment. I-I just, its silly, I know he's here and you have him and I wont need to see him again, well with the exception of trial if there is one but I'm so scared and as well as that I'm snapping at people, I hate people being near me or touching me.. unless its Case"

"Thats normal Alex"

"I know" I stand back away from her slightly and she gestures to me

"You're on edge"

"Even around you.. Olivia, its so shit! For Christ's sake! I've known you for years! I know you'd never hurt me Liv and yet its like I'm on guard? Whats going on with me!?"

"Alex, its normal. You just need to try and relax around people you know. Take deep breaths. We just want you safe"

I nod "Thanks Liv. Sorry again for being so snappy"

"Its alright Al. I hope you feel better. It will get better for you"

"Hopefully"

xx

"What do you mean you have nothing to hold him on! Olivia, I know it was him!" I nearly scream down the phone and Casey's eyes meet me in panic

"Alex, like I explained because of the other women in your position its a serial case and well, they all picked someone different to you in the line up" she is so much cooler than I am, her voice composed

"I don't give a fuck about your serial case! I know thats the man who raped me Olivia! His fucking taunting plays over in my head every breathing moment. I know his voice and If you cant do your job, I'll do it for you" I slam down the phone and Casey grabs my wrists

"I know you're upset but its not Liv's fault. You need to calm down Alexandra"

"H-He's out. He can come back for me, he knows where I work and live-" I feel the burn in my lungs, from my lack of oxygen and she pulls me in close

"Breathe" she runs her hand up my back and my anger turns to tears quickly

"I-I'm so scared"

"I know you are sweetheart. I know. C'mere" she leads my down to the bedroom and we lay with each other and after a minute she cups my cheek

"I promise I'll keep you safe Alex"

"B-But he could watch us, watch me. Get me alone-"

"Stop. Stop Al, he wont. You wont be alone anyway, I wont give him his chance"

"Why are you doing all this? Nobody else tries like you are"

"Because Al, I care about you"

"I've never had anyone care for me like you.."

"No? Well, I'm glad I'm here to help you Alex"

I yawn and she rests her hand on my head "You had a long day baby, sleep"

I nod and lay against her "I love you" I mumble and she runs her hand along my side

"I love you too Al"


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Glad you all like the story! Thanks for the lovely reviews! Please keep them up!

xx

I wake up, my breathing laboured, another nightmare but then I see her, laying there beside me, a peaceful look on her sleeping features and I cant help but smile. She is amazing. She cares so much.

Wait..Did I tell her I loved her?

I did, didn't I?

Oh My God. I love Casey. I love Casey Novak.

I smile, she said it back. She loves me too.

This is crazy, I've never had so much trust in someone before. What makes her so different?

She cares about me. She actually wants whats best for me. Thats what makes her different.

The other women, or men, I've been with really didn't care for me, I was just a toy to them, emotionally and physically. It made me sick, knowing they didn't love me and still I kept letting all of them use me, time after time, because I was desperately clinging to any bit of human contact outside of work.

But now that sick feeling is going away. I look at her and see how much she cares, its in her beautiful emerald green eyes, the way she looks at me. I feel it when she holds me, I love how safe I feel with her. Like the world cant harm me, like he cant harm me again.

I love her and I know she honestly loves me too. I smile and pull the duvet back around me as I lay back into her side

"Love you" I whisper and I attempt to get back to sleep

xx

"Alex, baby, wake up"

I open my eyes and she hands me a coffee

"Olivia's here"

"What does she want?" I ask, harsher than I should and Casey takes my hand

"She wants to talk to you Al. Go easy on her"

"I don't want her here.."

"Alex, shes trying her best-"

I glance around the room "What if he followed her here? What if he's waiting to come in and finish me off for telling to police-"

"Alex. Breathe or you'll be sick"

"W-What if he finds me-"

"Alex calm down. Calm down baby"

I shake my head "Please Casey"

"Okay Al. I'll get rid of her. Just calm down okay?"

I nod and she kisses my cheek

xx

I sit against the wall, straining to hear them talking, of course I'm the topic of conversation so I should listen.. I put my ear to the door

"Casey, are you worried about her?" I hear Olivia ask and Casey sighs

"Liv. I don't know, she seemed to be getting a little better and then this morning.. I don't know Liv"

"What was it?"

"She's afraid he's going to come back and get her and no matter how much I assure her I'll protect her shes so afraid Liv and I know its normal to an extent. Of course she's going to be scared but she is starting to worry me with some of the things she saying, like she was afraid to see you?"

"She said that to me the yesterday, she mentioned being on guard around everyone.. well except you. Oh, Case, has she gone outside at all?"

"...Not since the line up and even at that it was a battle to get her to leave, she looked terrified"

Now Olivia sighs "I'm following him. Well I was. All last night"

"Liv, you didn't need to-"

"She was so sure! And you know Alex, shes never usually wrong. I want to help Casey. I want to make her feel better and this is just.. hell. Seeing her like this"

"She told me she loved me"

"Woah! Case, thats huge!" I hear the smile in Olivia's voice and I smile myself

"Yeah, it is isn't it?"

"You feel the same?"

"Of course. Liv, seeing how safe she feels with me, its comforting, knowing I can help her like that"

"I'm glad. She needs someone like you Case"

She sighs "I wish I could get her to open up to me, I want her to be able to tell me why shes so scared of everyone.. What she thinks will happen?"

"I honestly don't know Case all I can say is you need to give her some time. She'll open up when she's ready.."

I turn and walk back up the hall. They're both right.

xx

"Alex, can I talk to you?"

I nod and sit into the couch

"Whats going on, like, what has you so frightened of being around people we know?"

"I-I don't know Casey, I really don't. I just... Its just, my brain conjures up all these ideas, people wanting to hurt me, being sick of me. I know its stupid-"

"It isn't. Alex, none of this is stupid, you cant control it. Its a reaction. It will calm, okay?"

"I hope you're right"

"I am. This will get better"

xx

"Al, we need to get groceries, you wanna come shopping?"

I pause "N-No thanks"

"Al... This isn't healthy, staying in like this"

"I-I'm okay"

"Al.."

"I don't want to go out okay?!"

"You cant hide in here forever. How about we don't shop, I'll do that in the morning. I have somewhere else I'd like to take you"

"W-where?"

"My private place, I never bring people here, I want you to see it"

"W-Where Casey?"

"Trust me. Its secluded and no one will bother us. I promise"

"Okay. I trust you"


	6. Chapter 6

"Casey.. This is beautiful" I smile and she slips her arms around me

"You like it?"

"Where did you find this place?"

"Well, when I was a kid, we'd always drive out to the beach for a break and well, one day I walked and walked and found this" she gestures to the small cave over looking the water

"You come here often?"

"Yeah a good bit. If work gets rough or I need to think, be alone. Its relaxing here"

"It is"

"Alex, I want you to be okay. I want you not to be scared anymore" she says and I slip my hand into hers

"I do too Casey, honestly"

"I want to just hold you, protect you Alex. I wont let people hurt you, that includes people we know. They will never get the chance to hurt you baby, I promise"

"Casey, kiss me"

She caress my side "Alex, I don't wanna rush you-"

"I just want to kiss you Case"

She looks hesitant but places her lips to mine, gently, full of love. We kiss in sync and after a minute she pulls back

"I love you"

"I love you too Casey"

"Al, this will all work out. I know this will all be okay"

"I have you?" I ask and she smiles

"You have, for as long as you want me, I'll be here for you. I will protect you baby"

I nod "I'll always want you Case"

"I'll support you, always"

I cant answer, just nod and she runs her hand along my cheek

"God I cant believe I have you like this, holding you, kissing you, I never imagined it'd happen"

"Really?" I feel a small smile spread across my face and she smiles back

"Yeah.. I always had a crush on you Al. The way you held yourself was always so attractive, I'd see you in court, so passionate about your job, fighting for the victims. Alex, I love how driven you are for justice. I love you for everything thats you"

"I love you too Case and when you asked me out, I was ecstatic. You asked me out and I was on cloud nine all damn week. I couldn't wait until Friday evening"

"Yeah? I never thought you felt the same to be honest, I thought my feelings were one sided"

"Never. Casey, you are gorgeous, how could I not be attracted to you? And it wasn't just your beauty, it was your attitude, do you remember the fight we had?"

She laughs "Yeah? What you thought me being angry was hot?"

I smile "Yes, but that wasn't the point I was going to make. Do you remember you stormed out? Well, I heard you when I walked down to your office around an hour later-"

"Y-You what?"

"Yeah, I walked by and I stopped when I heard how upset you were. I heard you talking to Olivia about me, how you didn't want to loose our friendship. Hearing then, how much you valued me, how high up I was in your eyes, It got me thinking how far up you were in mine, how I truly felt about you"

"Wow. I really should've talked to you sooner"

"Me too Case"

xx

"Casey?"

"Yeah Al?"

I curl further into the couch, wrapping myself into Casey's hoodie and she sits beside me

"I remember him"

"What?"

"I-I sorta remember what he looks like.."

"Thats great Al! Now you can do the visual line up"

"I sketched him already"

"Alex! Thats hardly... appropriate"

"Yeah well.. I saved the police artist some time" I hand her the book and her eyes widen

"Wow, thats really good. I never knew you could sketch like this?"

"Yeah, its my private thing" I smile and she takes my hand

"Should I call Liv?"

I look around the room, feeling the familiar pounding in my chest and she squeezes my hand

"I'll stay with you the whole time. I'm here Al. She wont hurt you"

I nod "Call her"

"Good. I'll be right back"

xx

"Alex, hi" Olivia smiles at me and I plaster a fake smile on my face

"Hi Liv"

"Case said you remember him?"

I nod and hand her the sketch pad and when she looks at the sketch she smiles

"You are 100%"

"Yes. Olivia, I am"

"Well Alex, this is great!" She smiles and takes a photo of the sketch on her iPhone and sends it

"I sent it to Elliot. Al, this matches our suspect, actually, it matches the man you said fitted the voice line up"

"I knew it was him" I say and she nods

"I owe you an apology Al, its just we should've listened more, held him on something, anything, I just we'll get him now Alex.. We'll make sure he rots"

"Thank you Olivia"

"Its okay sweetie. Listen, I really will do literally everything I can to make sure he's locked up"

I offer her my hand and she interlocks our fingers "I missed you Liv"

"I missed you too Alex. I'm glad you're feeling better"

"Yeah.. Me too" I smile again, another false emotion and Casey looks over to me from her chair

Luckily, Olivia's phone rings, she answers and we realise its Elliot, she excuses herself and I sigh when she leaves and Casey sits over beside me

"You're still scared"

"I'm okay" I say quietly but I know she sees through it

"You aren't Al. I see how frightened you are"

"What do you want me to say?! Yes! I'm scared! I'm so fucking terrified Casey!" I say loud enough, I'm sure Olivia's heard me and Casey sighs

"Calm down, baby-"

"No! No! I wont calm down! I'm sick of calming down! I hate this!" I hate pretending I'm okay! I'm not okay! Everything fucking scares me now and I'm tired of pretending it doesn't!"

I storm away from her down to the bedroom and I slam the door hard enough I thought I'd take it off the hinges and after a minute I hear a knock at the door

"Fuck off Casey"

"Its Olivia actually"

"What I said still hasn't changed"

She sighs "El and I are going to arrest him now Al.."

I don't answer, instead just get into bed and pull Casey's pillow close to me. I need some time to relax, just me.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Don't! Please! Don't!" I beg as I watch him get on top of her_

_"Don't bother bitch! She's mine" he growls and I try to run over, pull him away but its like I'm cemented to the ground_

_I hear her scream for me, I hear the break in her voice and I try and try to get to him, try and get him away from her and I cant. I watch him place kisses down her neck, nipping her skin, marring her beautiful body_

_"Stop! Please! I'll do anything! Please! Take me instead! Let Casey go!" _

_I stand there, watching him rape her, hearing his laugh as she cries for me, as she begs me to help her. He finishes rather quickly and I watch as he smashes her head repeatedly off the concrete._

_I'm crying trying to get over to him, pry his hands away from her lifeless body. I watch the blood pump from her and when he's satisfied and she's stopped moving, he walks over to me_

_"When I did you, you said you'd give me anything else I wanted instead of you, well I took her"_

_"No! Thats not what I meant! Please let me go to her!"_

_He laughs and pushes me over to her side and I drop to my knees, wanting to help her, I run my hands over her body but when I lower my face to just over her mouth I realise its too late, she isn't breathing._

_Her skin cool to touch and the colour is drained from her _

_"C-Case, p-please, p-please wake up" I sob into her side and I wrap her dead-weight body in my embrace_

_"I'm so sorry"_

I slowly wake up and feel the tears rolling down my cheeks then when I look around the dimly lit room I notice I'm in bed, alone.

"C-Casey?" I ask and I don't hear a reply.

Oh God.

Where is she? Was that all a horrible nightmare or a very real flashback? She cant be hurt. She isn't.

I open the bedroom door, my heart pounding so hard I think its going to come right out of my chest and I walk down the hall, then when I reach the living room I see her, on the couch asleep.

She's okay. I breathe a sigh of relief and kneel by the couch

"C-Casey.."

She groans and I rest my hand on her cheek

"Case, come to bed, please"

She opens her eyes "Al?"

"Casey, please, come to bed"

She nods and kisses me, still not moving off the couch "I'm sorry"

"N-No Casey, I am. I shouldn't have gone off on one like that. I-I want you to hold me, please, hold me"

"I love you Alex, don't run from me"

"I-I'm sorry" I cry into her and she kisses my neck

"Thats alright baby" she runs her hand up my side and I move closer to her

"I had a dream" I whisper after a minute and she kisses my cheek

"Its okay, its over now baby, he cant hurt you"

"I-It was you" I say, my voice breaking

"What was me?" She asks and I shake my head, more tears rolling down my cheeks

"I'd never hurt you Alex, I-I wont hurt you-"

"Not raping me... being raped. I-I was watching, I tried to help but I couldn't get to you until he finished. H-He hit your head of the ground continually until.. I-I tried Casey. I tried so hard to save you-"

"Sshh, Al. It was all a nightmare. I'm okay. Oh baby, I'm okay"

"And I woke up and you weren't there I-I thought something happened. I-I thought it was true. I thought he hurt you"

"He didn't. I have you baby. I'm here, holding you sweetheart. He didn't hurt me, I'm here"

"I'm sorry I ran away from you, I'm so sorry. I-I'm just so tired. Tired of everything. H-He's ruined me Casey. He's wrecked me and I'm so sorry"

"What are you sorry for baby?" She sounds confused and I bury my head into her neck

"I'm ruined for you. H-How could you touch me after this? How? I just want you to be happy Casey. I'm so sorry"

"You think I don't want to touch you? God Al, you are beautiful, please don't ever think I couldn't want you"

"B-But.."

"I'll always want you" she says, firmly and I cry more in relief now

"I-I thought-"

"Stop thinking. Just let me hold you, and you get some sleep"

"Thank you"

"Anytime Alexandra"


	8. Chapter 8

"I want you to make love to me" I breathe out and Casey stills my hands from going under her shirt

"Al, are you sure thats a good idea? I-Its very soon"

"It is but I need you. I need you Casey, I need you to touch me"

"Are you sure? I-I don't want to rush you"

"You aren't honest Casey, please. I need to feel your love"

She nods "Okay, okay. If you're one hundred percent sure Al"

"I am. God, Casey I need to feel you"

She runs her hands down my sides and kisses down my neck. I moan into her and she pulls back

"You are so beautiful. You are gorgeous Alexandra, I am so lucky"

I have tears in my eyes as she kisses me again

"I love you. I love you Alexandra. I want to make you feel good"

"You do. Oh Casey, please make love to me"

She nods and runs hands up my thighs gently

"You're beautiful"

I close my eyes and the closer I feel her hands get to me the sicker I feel and I flinch when she reaches my panties

She stops and moves her hands away from my centre and up to my arms

"Alexandra, open your eyes. I want you to see me, its me baby, its Casey"

I feel like I'm going to throw up, my heart pounds in my chest and she holds my hand

"Alexandra, look at me. Me"

"I-I.. Please"

I feel him pinning me down. Forcing himself inside me and I try to run. I try to pull away get him off me but its no good

"Alex! Alex!"

I jump away "S-Stop. Go away! Stop!"

"Alex!"

I feel my back hit against the wall and look around the brightly lit living room and see the worry etched on her beautiful features.

Oh God..I'm in the apartment?

"Alex? Baby? Are you with me?" She takes my hand and I nod

"H-He was on me. H-He forced me"

She pulls me into her arms and carries me down to the bedroom. She gently lays me down and wraps me in her arms

"You're safe, baby, I have you"

"I-I'm sorry. I thought-"

"Thats okay honey. You need time"

I nod and she dims down the lamp

"You need to get some sleep baby"

"Love you"

"I love you too Alex"


	9. Chapter 9

*1 Month Later*

"Al? I have good news"

I sit up and accept the coffee she hands me

"Yeah? Whats that?" I sip the stimulant and feel the warmth shoot through me

"Olivia called me"

"Yeah? And?"

"You don't have to testify"

"What? How did you manage that?"

"I didn't. Abbie did"

"Abs is in town?"

"Abbie's taking the case Al"

"Really? Oh.. Okay"

She slips her hand into mine "Don't worry baby, I talked to her, told her everything. Nothing will pop up and surprise her"

I nod "So..I don't need to testify?"

"No" she starts "He's pleading guilty"

"She offered a deal, didn't she?"

"10 years, no good behaviour release"

"10 years?! I'll be 40 when he gets out!"

"Al, calm down. Its alright. After 10 years he'll be cured. They'll get him rehab. And when he gets out, they'll make sure he's tracked. He will never get near you again Alex, I'll protect you"

"You think that far ahead?" I smile and she slips her arms around me

"You don't?"

"I do, of course I just never imagined that you did"

"I've always imagined a future with you Al, before we even got together"

I smile as she blushes

"You did, huh?"

"Stop" she says playfully, turning a deeper red and I cant help but kiss her

"What did you imagine?"

"Us, together"

"Obviously, I mean what else?"

"I'd rather not say.."

"Why not?"

"Cause, I don't want to send you running"

"Trust me, Case, I've thought too, whatever you've imagined, I have too"

"Okay. If you really want to know. I always loved the idea of us moving from the city, ya know? A little cottage in the suburbs, the whole white picket fence deal"

I smirk "You wanna be a soccer mom and drive a volvo"

"Well.. maybe not the volvo"

"So the soccer mom thing appeals?"

"More the mom thing.."

"Yeah, I have to agree"

"Yeah?"

"Who couldn't love a little Casey Novak running around?"

She takes my hand and pulls it up, placing kisses down to my wrist and back up "I cant believe this, we haven't even gone on an official date and we're discussing our futures"

"Casey, you've been my best friend for three years, you honestly think we need the whole date thing? We know all there is to know about each other, its like starting in the middle of the relationship"

"You okay with that? Its sudden"

"Its better Casey. Dating is awkward and I suck at it. I love how open we are together, how safe I feel with you and I know we'll be okay"

"Yeah? Alex, you don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. I know you feel safe"

"I always felt safe with you Casey"

I pull her close and place my lips to hers, which gradually turns into a full blown make out session

"God Casey" I moan slipping my hands into her hair

"A-Alex, w-we need to stop I-I don't want to make you uncomfortable"

"Casey, I know this time. I know this is you" I run my hand down her arm and interlock our fingers "These are your hands, and I want you, I honestly want you to do this"

"I-I... Are you sure? We don't have to"

I move her hand under the waistband of my pyjama bottoms and she moans, feeling how wet I am

"Does that show you how sure I am? I love you. I trust you. Please Casey, do it. Please"

She slips my pyjama bottoms off and as she touches me, I close my eyes, the last thing I notice is her beaming smile

xx

"Oh God.." I pant as she pulls the duvet back over our now very naked bodies "That was.. I mean you were so.. I just.. Wow"

She smiles smugly at me "Well, I bet you never imagined that"

I shake my head "You were good, never that good, wow Casey.. Where did you learn that tongue thing?"

She smirks "I thought that was popular by the way you were screaming for me to keep going"

I blush "I felt so...high"

"Yeah, I felt like that the first time too"

"You are amazing"

"Well, Alex, to be honest, I believe these hands" she kisses my palms "are better than mine could ever be, that second time? I never thought I'd stop, it was crazy"

"What skills you believe you lack in your hands you 100 times make up for with that mouth.. Shit, that was-"

"Amazing?"

"I believe I used that word for it"

"At least a dozen times Al, so, it was okay?"

"Very, very okay. You were really worth the wait, I'm just sorry it took so long"

"Don't apologise, I wanted you to be comfortable and well, you seemed very comfortable"

"I was. Its so good knowing the last time I had sex was full of love, passion, want.. Instead of how it was before"

"Thats why you were rushing wasn't it? You wanted me to get rid of that feeling?"

I nod, training my eyes on the bed covers and she cups my cheek "I'm glad we waited. I just want you okay"

I nod "I am. I'm finally okay"


	10. Chapter 10

"Whoo! Pop the champagne!" Fin calls as Olivia hands him a glass and I smile as I watch and I feel Elliot's strong arms wrap me in a bear hug

"I missed you Al" he holds me and I bury my head into his chest

"Missed you too bro"

"Bro?" He laughs as he pulls back and I slap his side

"I was trying it out, don't judge me"

"Hey 'bro', can I borrow my girl?" I hear the smile in Casey's voice and I turn to look at her as Elliot smiles back

"Sure home girl"

"Shut up, both of you" I laugh and Elliot tickles my side

"Go talk to her"

Casey takes my hand and leads me out of the squad room and when we get out she pulls me into a hug

"I'm so proud of you. To look at you in there, its the old Alex back" she runs her hand under my chin and I smile

"Thats all I wanted Case. The old me back. The Alex who eats too much rocky road ice cream, the Alex who goes for celebratory drinks with friends, the Alex I always was and am again, the Alex you fell in love with"

"I love you even more now, knowing you came back from being so low, in such a bad place, you will never know how proud I am of you for walking into that courtroom today, hear the verdict, full of determination, I caught a glimpse of the Ice Queen again"

"Oh God! People called me that?" I laugh and she shakes her head

"Only people who didn't know you, people who know you know what a beautiful soul you have. How kind natured and sweet you are. How amazingly stunning you are"

I wipe the tears falling from my eyes and she kisses me chastely "You are no Ice Queen Alexandra, you are a princess"

"Princess? Okay, thats worse than me saying 'bro' earlier, I am no princess"

"Sure whatever you say... princess"

xx

"So, hows everything going with her" Olivia nods to Casey and I smile seeing her roughhouse with the guys

"Its good Liv. Really good.. Actually, I'm going to ask her to move in with me"

"Woah! Al, thats great! Your apartment or hers?"

"I was thinking more of a move, to the suburbs"

"Really? Wow! Very, 'Desperate Housewives' of you"

"Yeah, I got us a lovely house on Wisteria Lane, beside the attractive red head"

"Bree Van De Kamp?" She smirks and nudges my side "Casey has competition"

"Never. No one can hold a candle to Case"

"Aw how sweet.. By the way what did you think of Gabrielle Solis? You have to admit she was pretty smoking"

"Meh, red heads are more my type.. Clearly you prefer dark hair"

"W-What do you mean?"

"I mean, since shes walked through that door you've had your eyes glued to Abs.. Ask her out Liv, I promise you wont be disappointed in your answer"

"Do you know something I don't?"

"Maybe" I smile and she laughs

"Brilliant! I feel way less nervous now.."

xx

"That was sweet of you, to help Liv like that" Casey smiles as we crawl into bed

"They both needed a good kicking to finally get together"

"Yeah? How long have you known exactly?"

"For Abs a couple of years-"

"Years!?"

I smile "Yeah. Don't judge her, Olivia made her nervous"

"No judgement, look how long it took me to ask you, judging would make me the biggest hypocrite on two feet"

"This is very true" I smirk and she pulls me close

"I'm happy Alex. Finally happy"

"Me too Case. Now we should sleep, I have plans for us tomorrow"

"Plans?"

"Yeah, we have to meet our estate agent"

"Our what?!" Her jaw drops

"Well we'll need Charlotte if we're buying a house. You still want the soccer mom volvo neighbour hood?"

"I'm happy anywhere, as long as I'm with you"

"Crack house. Would you be happy there with me?"

"Of course, I'd prefer a nice decent place to share with you"

"And our family one day"

She nods "And our family one day.."

xx

AN: The End! Hope you all enjoyed it! Review please!


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